♈ ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Oh, you’re the chaotic ex. You don’t just move on—you sprint. No emotional processing, just pure adrenaline and a sudden haircut. You’ll post a thirst trap before they even realize you unfollowed them. Block, unblock, re-follow, then act like nothing happened.
♉ TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
You are unchangeable and unbothered. The type of ex who keeps their ex’s Netflix password out of principle. You might never text them again, but best believe you still have their hoodie—and you’re not giving it back. Ever.
♊ GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You break up with someone and somehow become their best friend immediately after. You act like it’s not weird at all, but everyone else is confused. Also, you definitely tell a slightly exaggerated version of what happened to make yourself look better.
♋ CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
You act like you’re fine—but you are absolutely not fine. You still have screenshots of your old texts, a secret playlist about them, and one specific sweater that still smells like them. You’ll write paragraphs you never send, but you will 100% cry over them.
♌ LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You pretend you don’t care—but the dramatics? Oh, they care. You will go full main character mode, post inspirational quotes, and get way too hot after the breakup. You want them to regret everything, and let’s be real… they probably do.
♍ VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
You’re the cold case ex. You never forget a single detail about the relationship and will analyze every red flag with PowerPoint-level accuracy. You won’t argue—you’ll present evidence. Also, you lowkey still have a note in your phone titled “Why I Was Right.”
♎ LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
You don’t break up, you fade out. One day you’re together, the next? You’re just a mysterious Instagram story. You want everyone to like you, including your ex, so you’ll hit them with a “No bad blood ❤️” text… but let’s be real, you definitely still talk to their mom.
♏ SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Oh, you’re the vengeful ex. You don’t just move on—you plot. You’ll act completely fine, but behind the scenes, you’re ensuring they never find happiness before you do. You know their secrets, you know their weaknesses, and you will use them if necessary.
♐ SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
You ghost so hard, people start wondering if you even existed. You’re the ex that vanishes, suddenly has 12 new hobbies, and is somehow in a different country two weeks later. Emotional processing? You don’t know her.
♑ CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
You’re the CEO of the breakup. You don’t cry—you get busier. You’re the type to delete their number, hit the gym, and thrive out of pure spite. You might send an email instead of a breakup text, and honestly? It would be cold, professional, and terrifyingly well-written.
♒ AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
You’re the mystical ex. You break up and become a completely different person. New hobbies, new philosophies, probably a new tattoo. You’ll say “I just needed to find myself”, and suddenly, you’re off the grid, living in a van.
♓ PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Oh, you’re the sad poet ex. You’ll turn the breakup into a whole personality. You post cryptic song lyrics on your Instagram story, start journaling aggressively, and pretend you’re fine—but let’s be real, your friends know you’re still stalking their Spotify.