Aries get excited about heavy discounts and impulse purchases. They are the type that loves to buy things and then return them. They also kinda get a thrill of arguing with the customer service rep about their lack of receipt too.


The best/worst thing that ever happened to Taurus is online shopping. Armed with no pants and a credit card… they become extremely dangerous. A Taurus is shopping for bulk snacks, yoga mats, ceramic Tupperware, and fancy bed sheets this cyber monday.


Non-committal and fidgety, Geminis loves to just scroll and add to their cart even though they more than likely wont buy anything. Gemini’s are stocking up on fancy things for their office and getting all the add ons to their fancy coffee machine. 


Cancer wants to buy things they can keep for a long time and possibly hand down to their children because they kinda give off hoarder vibes.

Think faux fur throw pillows, a vintage tea pot, a weighted blanket, a super fancy ceramic pot… that kinda thing. 


Leos attempt to direct their discounted shopping towards buying gifts for other people. For some reason, Black Friday and Cyber Monday is the only days they can justify doing or buying something for someone other than themselves. 


Virgo feels superior for not indulging/engaging in the frenzy of Cyber Monday- they just find a way to openly criticize it just liek they do everything else. Virgos are protesting all of these mid deals this year


Libras bus things that aren’t on sale because they are bougie and they are not ashamed of it. They know quality when they see it — and a terrible deal when they meet one. On Cyber Monday they’re spending money on silk pajama sets and skims.


Scorpios shop like they plot and how they know they will die — alone.

More into online than in person, this ilk is stalking the proverbial aisles for lingerie, surveillance equipment, chandeliers, tourmaline for their friends, spiked collars for their familiars, and invariably something asymmetrical, black and/or heavy on the shoulder pads for themselves.


This Cyber Monday they’re throwing down on cheap plane tickets, fancy resorts and one of those super nice bean bags .If Thursday went sideways, they’re signing up for free online therapy, hitting up their friends for Adderall, and adopting a pet they will eventually paw(n) off on their parents.


As the sign of striking it rich and making it last, Capricorn does not spend flagrantly, but does go hard for luxury. They’re dropping dollars on rare vinyl, something monogrammed, bronze statues and an ancestry/DNA testing kit.


On Cyber Monday you’ll find Aquarius holed up in recovery after having to break bread with the normies/Muggles in their family, smugly content in the knowledge that Black Friday is for suckers and Cyber Monday, with its slashed prices and remote viability, is where the future of savings lives.


Pisces get completely overwhelmed by all of the deals going on, online they just hand over their credit card to someone they kind of trust and let them have it. The only thing they really request out of Cyber Monday is that they can order takeout later

Sponsored Content

Sponsored Content