It's fun to drink on the booziest of holidays--at home. Venture out into the wilds, and you're liable to encounter amateur drinkers who completely lose their marbles after a few brews. To this end, Post Grad Problems took it up on itself to rank the most amateur drinking holidays, which are:
- St. Patrick’s Day. The amateur drinking holiday. The day when everyone claims to have more Irish heritage than they actually have. The day where bars dye Miller Lite (and your puke) green. The day where everyone flocks to the nearest major city to get as drunk as possible, as early as possible, surrounded by as many people as possible.
- New Year’s Eve. Everyone’s high expectations are going to force them into thinking it’s going to be “the best night ever” only to watch the night fall flat and feel deflated for dressing up all for naught. Little do they tell you, you’re going to be standing around a bunch of other people you don’t know trying to get to the bar where they serve you a $12 bullet can of Bud Light while some dude in a tuxedo bumps into you while chanting for the DJ to play “Closer” again.
- Halloween. Any holiday that forces people to dress up (classy or costume) is destined to 1. Elevate standards and 2. Never meet the elevated standards. Tears will be cried through makeup and face paint, and most couples will argue incessantly on their Uber ride home.
- The Night Before Thanksgiving. With “the biggest bar night of the year,” you get people from all walks of life. The excitement of being home from school or their dead-end big city jobs gets the best of everyone and they end up talking blackout to a girl they had a crush on in high school, only to throw up on the sheets in their childhood bedroom.
- Cinco de Mayo. Great, an excuse for everyone to go out and get drunk on the one liquor they swore off after college. While I’m as much of a fan of tacos and margaritas as the next gringo, I’m not a fan of large wait times and shoulder-to-shoulder seating.