I was cracking up reading these! Our pals at Buzzfeed asked its readers to share the most savage encounters that they've had with children. Here are my 10 favorites.. Prepare to LOL in 3...2...1...
1. "My 4-year-old son pointed at a teenager with obvious acne and asked him if he had chicken pox."
2. “My friend, my 6-year-old and I were looking for a sweater in some boxes in my garage. My friend pointed at one and said, ‘What’s in there?’ to which I replied, ‘My hopes and dreams, probably’. And then from across the room, we hear my 6-year-old say ‘Wow, you have hopes and dreams?’”
3. “For the record, I don’t drink wine, and my daughter, 7, doesn’t know what it is. But I’m buying a bottle of wine for a work party and the clerk is swiping the bottle at the checkout when my daughter picks that moment to look at me with big eyes and say, ‘Mama, why don’t you spend more time with me?’”
4. “You know those commercials for funeral insurance? After watching one, my daughter tells me with a look of pitiful concern, ‘Mommy, you REALLY need to get this. You are SO old, you have to be pretty close to dying.’ I’m 42.”
5. "My 3-year-old and I were sharing a stall at a full bathroom in Target when she disgustedly exclaimed, "Mommy! Your coo-coo is so hairy!"
6. “When my kiddo was around 6 or so, I was cleaning her room and I found a notebook full of her drawings and flipped through to find a page with ‘my mom is a motherf*****r’ written across it. Who knows what I did to make her that mad.”
7. “When I was in nursing school, my son believed I was a doctor and would always call me doctor. I would always correct him, ‘Mommy’s a nurse’. He would suffer from frequent bloody noses and one day I caught him picking his nose and informed him that picking noses led to a bloody nose. He turned around and in the coldest way said, ‘WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW, YOU’RE NOT A DOCTOR, YOU’RE JUST A NURSE.’”
8. “Two years ago, a friend and I took my then 5-year-old daughter on a day trip to a museum and then a St Patrick’s Day parade. We were about two hours from home for most of the day so she was understandably tired. When we arrived at the house carrying our bags, etc, she dropped them right in the middle of the living room floor, to which I said, ‘Honey, I’m going to need you to take that stuff into your room’. Without missing a beat, she replied, ‘I’m going to need you to go f**k yourself!’”
9. “I found a mini recorder that I had given to my mother to help her remember what she needed at the store. It was hidden in the back of a drawer. My daughter was in 2nd grade at the time. When I hit play on the recorder I heard my daughter’s voice say, ‘Grandma gave me this recorder to have a record of the abuse my mom does to me. This way she can adopt me and I won’t have to be abused. This is my first abuse to record. Today my mom made me clean my room and wouldn’t let grandma do it for me! Grandma says this is child abuse!’”
10. "My kid told me, "Mom, you pretty much suck at everything. Except for making oatmeal.'"
Awwwwww children.. Sweet little savages!